Sh*t I went through - part 1

Well, as the title says, this series of posts is going to be something quite different from what I usually post (fitness and finance). I don’t know how many of these I’m going to write ... I have quite the “library” to pick from. Like some of you, I’ve been through a lot.

“Who the hell asked you about this? Nobody cares !!! You think you had it bad?! #Triggered” 

I’m sure that there are people out there who went through tougher sh*t, just as well as I am sure that some of you complain about stuff that’s a 1 on the pain scale (emotionally). 

So why am I writing this? Think of it as this - you’re going through something rough in your life and you went to a bar, listening to what a stranger has to say. 

Hopefully, you’ll get some value out of it. It is my hope that by writing these posts, someone will find some strength, or something else, let’s call it inspiration, to keep them going when they’re in a bad place. 

If there’s at least one of you that got something out of reading this, that’s a win in my book.

So, let’s jump into it. 

It’s 2010, I’m in my final year at university. I’m pretty good at what I do … not the best, but I’m confident I’m in the top 3%, for whatever good that may do. 

I was quite depressed because, except for studying, I didn’t have much going on for me.

A little bit of context.

I was never the cool kid, the popular one … hell, I was never even remotely close to the popular kids when growing up. 

I had a lot of emotional trauma growing up, because of poverty, seeing my parents fight and being stressed out, rarely going out and when that happened I was not able to afford much, etc.

Growing up, in my family, only my dad had a job. Mom didn’t work; I guess she felt comfortable staying home and raising me, despite the fact that money was very tight. 

All the allowance I received while I was in school, I gave to my parents … so, that’s from when I was 6 (first grade) to when I finished highschool. My way of helping them out, even if the other kids were shocked and were laughing at me.

In University I always had a scholarship. Yeah, that too, almost entirely, was going to my parents. I was only holding back enough cash to get some cigarettes for that month. 

I was still living in the 2 room apartment that my parents had. Reason for that was that the University was in the city I lived in. So, I couldn’t get a room on campus even if I wanted to. 

An important thing to note is that this apartment was mortgaged not too long ago (2009 to be precise) in order to refinance all the debt my parents had gotten themselves into.

No girlfriend … just some girls that I really liked at the time but didn’t like me back 🙂

So, to summarize, I was 21, with little to no friends, living with my parents in an old flat with 2 rooms, little to no money, and the only thing I had was studying, hoping that once I graduate and get a job, I’ll somehow make ends meet.

Well, I didn’t have to graduate to get my first job. My first day on the job was on the 15-th of February; mind you, it was a part-time job, because I had the finals coming up in summer and the B.Sc. exams. 

I was making around $267 per month, after tax 🤣

I remember that when I got my first paycheck I was thrilled; adding in the scholarship (about $153), I was making almost as much as my dad 😀 Things were starting to brighten up, at least from the financial standpoint. 

There was also the fact that, while I knew my father cared for me, we didn’t have a lot of talks; those dad-son talks that are quite crucial for the development of a young man. Not his fault to be honest … hard to shoulder all the family burdens and make ends meet with a lousy salary. 

However, I remember a looong talk I had with my dad in January 2010; was the first of its kind and it really helped me out with my depression and the dark thoughts I had at that time. I remember telling him that I regret not having these conversations before; he said he did too, but that we have so much time left; after all, he was 50 and I was almost 21.

So, an improvement on the mental/well-being side as well.

Yeah, that didn’t last long. 

Come April and my father died. On Thursday he went to work, felt really bad that night, couldn’t sleep at all, and on Friday morning he went to the hospital, got immediately admitted and … at around 6 PM, he died. 

He had a chronic illness and, given the lousy state of the public healthcare (where doctors would not give a rat’s a*s if you didn’t slip them some cash), he and mom did their best to treat his condition at home. It worked for a while, but given that his liver was seriously damaged (Hep C) and the daily levels of stress from his job were growing, there wasn’t anything that the doctors from the ER could do. 

I remember offering to donate half my liver for an emergency transplant; same blood type as him and I was in relatively good health. The surgeons refused. I didn’t understand why at the time; a few days later, one of the doctors told me that he wouldn’t have survived the transplant; he was pretty much dead on his feet that Friday morning. Nothing that they could do.

So, there I was, barely turned 21 years old, dad died, inherited around $30k in debt (the apartment mortgage and a credit card my dad had that was maxed out), mom had no job and I was making around $400 / month, after tax, with a part-time job and a scholarship.

Life really has a way of kicking you in the teeth when you least expect it. Not only that, but once you’re down, it keeps kicking the s*it out of you. 

It was like “Congrats kid on becoming a fully fledged adult - good luck to you! Oh, not what you expected? Deal with it.”

The first few months were brutal. In order to cope with the pain, every night I was getting wasted. I don’t know how I was able to pass all my exams and get an A+ at my B.Sc. 

“Where did you have money for booze?! You said you were poor as f*ck”.

Relatives and some people I knew would basically supply me with free alcohol. I remember that I always had a bottle at hand when I needed it.

My saving grace was the fact that I was (and still am) good at my job; after passing my finals and getting my B.Sc. I got employed full-time and was making around $670 / month, after tax. 

One of the things I learned is the fact that your life can radically change in 24 hours or less. So, no matter how bad you think it is, it can get worse. But, it can also turn around and get better. Do the best you can, day in, day out.

The point of the story is that there’s always some light even in the darkest of times. It’s hard to see it, it’s hard to push through, but you must never give up.

 

“It’s not fair” I remember thinking to myself, as I’m sure some of you are thinking too. Nothing really is, to be honest. Most of the time you must rely on one person and one person only - YOU! 

Cling to whatever hope you hold in your heart and fight tooth and nail to make it to the other side. 

Or, as Churchill once said, “If you’re going through hell, keep going!”